If You Were Everything I Hoped You’d Be

If you were who you should have been

My mind would be kinder

And I wouldn’t feel so lost

My tears would cease to spill

And my smile would be genuine

Instead of a half-hearted twist of lips

 

If you were as you should have been

My heart would be fulfilled

My eyes would roll but sparkle

For I would know your gestures

Your words, your smile, your taunts

Would be of kindness and of nothing less

 

If you were where you should of been

Then you could have changed my life

You would have made a happy home

And been who you are as I

Learned to love you unconditionally

And learned that such love is life

 

If you were all you could have been

You would have been happy and true

Instead of everything that you are now

With all this distance you’ve placed

Between life and living

 

But I cannot blame you for who you are

Because “if’s” get no further in our minds

Than hopes of people changing

In a reality of what they’ve always been

 

I cannot blame you for what you could have been

Even if my life could have prevailed

As something without darkness

Or grief of what I’ve never had

 

I cannot blame you for where you are

Though it is your legs that have walked you there

But nonetheless, I see no truth

In a reality that wasn’t meant for me

 

You see, I cannot blame you for what you are

Because that is life and fate at work,

And because reality would say that

If I was who I was meant to be

Then I too, would be exactly as I am.

-Kiran Bains Sahota

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